Trust

Trust n. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Trust is such a difficult thing. It requires faith, faith in a person or thing, faith that that person has your best interests at heart, faith that you can rely on that person or thing no matter what. In some ways I am a very trusting person, yet that has changed over time as everything does.

When I was a kid I had that kid's sense of wonder, faith and trust in all and everything. I knew that everything and everyone was trustworthy and I had nothing to fear. That changed as I got older. I slowly realized that depending on my parents, not the best idea. My friends I could always trust. Eventually I just stopped trusting people in general. It was around this time that I started finding my trust placed elsewhere, specifically my eating disorder.

My eating disorder offered me an escape. It offered me a safe place, someone I could trust. I put my faith in ED and everything was great. That is until my health and weight went dangerously downhill. And so it was that once again I had placed my trust in someone and again been betrayed. So now I am again learning to trust.

I am learning to trust myself, trust my instincts. I am learning to explore to overcome my fears by facing them. I always loved a challenge when I was younger and I am learning to find joy in the challenge once again. Most importantly I have found someone I trust who is helping me explore and helps me see when ED is trying to may a comeback. It feels so good to be able to place my trust in someone whom I know cares about me again. I love learning to let someone in, let someone see the real me. I want to stay like this. I want to get back to my life. I want to live my life without ED and I am on my journey to do so.