Well it's not so that I took some time out for life as much as it is life took some time out for me. I know that it's been a looong time since I've written and there are many reasons for this. First, it's been crazy here. Conflicts, fights, avoiding, therapy, boyfriend, eating disorder difficulties, the farm (aka animals), etc. Things are changing here, perhaps, finally. Who knows what will happen. Mom might be finally losing her grip on the family. But for me it's a little too late. I have realized that for my health I cannot be around her for any period of time. Coming home has once again been a HUGE mistake. I cannot come back next summer. It hurts a lot but she has many issues of her own to deal with before I can have a real relationship. I cannot allow myself to be hurt over and over in this fashion. I do not know if she does it on purpose, I'm pretty sure she does not, but at this point I have tried to tell her what I need and again and again she ignores it. So as much as I hate it I have to protect myself if she will not.
Next I fall and open my knee. Of course since I wanted to get home and didn't want to wait for the rain to stop which then resulted in running in the rain which then resulted in my slipping and falling, it's my fault, clearly. Well at least according to my mother. So thus another reason I cannot be around her. I'm just very tired of all of this.
On the bright side I have been doing really well with my ED and have been following my meal plan for the most part the last few days. But that's all for now. I'm exhausted.
Peace, love and hope~
No comments:
Post a Comment