Poems

ANA AND ME

Once again it is her I see looking back at me,

An evil trick of mind She plays and whispers words I hear as mine.

Her voice is soft and sweet, Her manner kind and gentle,

Her words can carry through all the noise of life and love.

Her reason flawed, makes sense sometimes as I find her in my mind.

You may meet Her on a street.

You may see Her on swift feet.

You may find Her in your home,

You may hear Her sweet tone.

You may fear Her urgent call.

And maybe for Her you fall.

I once loved Her soothing Voice.

I once made a fateful choice.

I once thought I could control Her.

But I found Her sly and tricky.

Words like poison course through my body

Logic built on foundations shoddy.

She grew cold and I grew colder,

I started looking over my shoulder.

No one knew our sacred secret.

She and I became but one

Our love can never be undone.

I loved Her presence, loved Her touched.

I loved the feeling, loved the care, loved the leaving, loved the stares.

How was I to know the price

Attached to Her friendship, Our relationship, Our Kinship?

From friend to foe She slowly shifted.

Confront the reality.

Find the flaws in Her reasoning.

Cut the ties, cut the crap.

See how She transformed truth and fiction.

Glorifying gaunt girls with fake smiles, Stick Fingers.

I met Her on a street.

I saw Her on swift feet.

I found Her in me and in my home,

I heard Her sweet tone.

I fear Her urgent call.

Because I for her fall.

I see Her wherever I go.

I feel Her in my being.

I was there when She stopped my flow.

I wish Her far from my hearing.

But I carry Her in my head,

As so will I continue until I am dead.


I CUT BECAUSE...


I cut because I'm mad
I cut because I'm sad
I cut because I hurt
I cut because I can't Feel
I cut because I Feel too much
I cut because I can't yell
I cut because I can't scream
I cut because I cannot stand up to Her
I cut to feel something, anything
I cut to make this pain go away
I cut to numb myself
I cut to breath
I cut to live
I cut because I can
I cut because I am alone
I cut to be
I cut ... because that is all I have
I cut to comfort myself
I cut because it feels good
I cut because it's what I know
I cut because I love it
I cut because I need it
I cut because I cut,
Because I can't stop,
Because once you cut, cutting is all you have.
I cut because the blade is my friend




A little girl came up to me, said "Want to be my friend?
I am new in town and knowing one and you seem very nice."
"Of course," I said "I'm Anna." She smiled and took my hand.
"No way," she said. "Mine too!"
From that day on we became like one for better or for worse
We played together and danced together, sung together and ate together.
Never was I lonely, once she came into my life.
She loved me and I loved her.
We swore never to part,
She quickly worked her way into my heart.
She only wanted the best for me and worked with me to get it.
Her love fer me was so great she spared me embarrassment through her harsh criticism.
Because she loved me she told me honestly of every flaw and err
She pushed me hard out of love to work on self-improvement.
With each new day she grew harsher and yet she still cared.
I did my best to please her but nothing seemed to satisfy.
She cut me off from all and often made me cry
"You must not listen to your 'friends.' They know you not like I. I am you and you are me, one Anna to them all."
"I know," I said "I'll follow your for life."
She led me to a new land full of sorrow, toil and strife
An outsider looking in wonders why I stay
But they can't know the deep set bond between the two of us
I tell them all there is nothing you can to do help or break our sacred bond
I cannot leave her, my first true love
She know me like no other can or ever will
She's in my mind, my heart, my body
Always there, always present, impossible to separate
My twin, my friend, my one Adviser, She cannot, will not lie to me
I love her and she loves me, which is how I know it was meant to be
Never in life shall we part, in sickness and in health,
Til death do us part.
Though at times she hurts me, I cannot leave my love
I sometimes want to cry, to scream and shout,
But I love her, need her, she get me through each day, each hour, minute, second.
I cannot leave her til she leaves me.

if my brain where quiet, would i be at peace?

if my eyes could cry, would i let them tear?

if life were fair, would i finally be happy?

drifting way in my dreams

longing for a better time

wishing that this bitterness would leave

and I could save my life

no one knows how hard

each step i take is to make

and no one sees the pain buried deep within

a smile is easy to fake

and laughter can easily hide

a fearful child inside

image in the mirror

fractured light twists and bends

distorted figure staring back,

a sad and pained expression on her face

who is this soul, so lost and tortured

looking back from frightened eyes

eyes that beg for help and aide

who is this girl so young yet old

a shell of a human, not really living

and as she stares at that reflection

her face becomes hard and eyes lose all humanity

nothing left, no light or shelter

all is lost that once was gained

a body weakened, old and rotted becomes what once was young and fertile

she falls so slowly, not longer able

to hold this machine upright and well

on the floor the image vanishes and all that’s left is a broken girl

the mirror predicts the worst outcome

and preys on fears of those who gaze

what once was beauty turns to ashes

as the mirror-world becomes her truth

souls drift slowly into nothing

are lost in mists of grey and black

she came, she saw, she did not conquer

the last battle would be her fall