Dear Mom

There is much I would like to say to you. So much that I don't even know where to begin. What does a daughter say to her mother when there really is nothing left to say? I love you. I really do but I can't be around you anymore. I know that you try and I know that you mean well. I know that life isn't easy with me. I know that we fight a lot and it sucks but you need to take responsibility for your actions.

I have to say that you are always a little too late. Apologizing for everything this summer the day I go back to school doesn't really work and if you think that doing so means that you don't have to do anything or change than you are wrong. We can't have a relationship this way. This summer I told you again and again that I needed to heave dinner earlier and you did nothing; I told you that continued recovery from my eating disorder depended on it and you did nothing. How do you think that makes feel mom? Do you not care enough about me? Am I not important enough? I don't understand and I need to.

I have something to say.
I have something to say TO YOU!!!
You, you who gave birth to me.
You, who "raised" me,
You who taught me,
You who ignored me.

I have something to say
I have something to say TO YOU!!!
You, you who brought me into the world
You who saw to my education
You who made the "Laws"
You who policed me
You who "MADE" me
I have something to say TO YOU.
I want to tell you how you made me feel.
I want to tell you how you treated me.
I want to tell you how you used me.
I want to tell you how you scare me.
I want to tell you how I hate that side of you.
I want to tell you how you hurt me.
I want to tell you how I cry,
Cry myself to sleep,
Cry for me,
Cry for you,
Cry because it hurts,
Cry because I'm scared,
Cry because you become a monster,
Cry because I don't know you,
Cry because ... I've lost my mom.

I have something to say,
I have something to say TO YOU
I have to tell you, tell you
That you abuse me
That you hurt me

Tell you that it's not okay.
Tell you that I will not take the blame.
Tell you that I am not your punching bag.
Tell you that I'm done.

I ... I ... (can I say it?) I am cutting the cord.
I cannot accept you as my mother.
I am sorry,
So, so, so, so, so sorry.
I cannot do this anymore.
I need to get over this.
I need to get out of this relationship.
That is what I have to say,
That is what I have to say to you.