I have always known that my mind is a scary place. Lately I can get no peace. ED is holding my mind hostage. All I want to do is restrict and exercise. I feel like a totally different person. He is telling me to do whatever it takes to lose weight and I don't know how to fight. It has not been this bad for a long time which makes me wonder what has changed?
Right now my life is not bad. Yes there had been a lot of emotional difficulties recently. Friends in trouble, family issues, school stress but my life is finally starting to really come together. Perhaps ED sees that I am really leaving him behind and thus is trying to make his last stand. I have finally found the love of my life. My boyfriend and I are perfect for each other. He really loves me and has opened my eyes to how wonderful life really can be. He has shown me what unconditional love is and can be. My friends have been my family and loved me in the past but this is different. I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend and he feels the same way. Why am I letting ED get in the way of that? Why am I letting him back in my when I've been doing really well over the past three or so years? I do not know why but I know that I need to find out and find out fast before I'm too far gone down a path that I will regret.
Right now my life is not bad. Yes there had been a lot of emotional difficulties recently. Friends in trouble, family issues, school stress but my life is finally starting to really come together. Perhaps ED sees that I am really leaving him behind and thus is trying to make his last stand. I have finally found the love of my life. My boyfriend and I are perfect for each other. He really loves me and has opened my eyes to how wonderful life really can be. He has shown me what unconditional love is and can be. My friends have been my family and loved me in the past but this is different. I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend and he feels the same way. Why am I letting ED get in the way of that? Why am I letting him back in my when I've been doing really well over the past three or so years? I do not know why but I know that I need to find out and find out fast before I'm too far gone down a path that I will regret.
I believe in you girlie. You can make a stand against your eating disorder. You deserve better. You deserve the kind of love your boyfriend shows you, not the sick distorted lies your eating disorder spews out. Please keep fighting. I am praying for you and keeping you forever in my heart. Love you <3
ReplyDeleteI always feel that when my addictions flare it means I am making progress and they are overcompensating to pull me back in. Turn it over to HP so you don't have to do it on your own. Love ya
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