Food and Feelings I

Does it always have to be this way, food the enemy? Will I always feel the need to be punished for eating? Will certain foods always scare me? Will I always feel the need to exercise after certain foods? Will the need to get out of my skin, out of my body ever really end? I just don't know what to do. Slowly getting my hunger signals back is terrifying. I do not want to feel "hungry". What does it mean to be hungry? Why do I need to feel it? I am not hungry. I can deny myself still. I am very good at denying. Yes I am.

Back to Restricting

Been having a lot of urges and thoughts. It's really hard. I feel like I'm slipping. I started restricting again and I can't get back on track. I feel guilty for eating the little food that I do eat. My stomach is stuffed and I just can't eat.

Meal Record 5/31/10

Breakfast:

Cereal x2

milk x2

cream x2

Snack:

goldfish x2

choc milk

Dinner:

chicken

veggie juice

potato salad

Snack:

Popcorn

Meal Record 5/30/10

Breakfast:

Cereal x2

milk x2

fats x2

Lunch:

smoothie plus

(fruit x2, milk, protein x3)

Snack:

cereal

milk

fat

Dinner:

Meal Record 5/23/10

Breakfast:

Cereal

Milk

Cream

Lunch:

Shrimp

Pasta

Broccoli

Snack:

Cereal

Milk

Dinner:

Chicken

Potato salad

Snack:

Strawberries and cream

Cereal

Milk