The Day After Thanksgiving

The day after Thanksgiving hasn't been that bad. I've been doing really well (though I haven't been posting much lately, oops). Yesterday was interesting. I never really like Thanksgiving because of all the food. Holidays are the worst. Food is such a central part of American holidays especially in my house. I was so stuffed yesterday and I hate that feeling. I feel like all I do is eat but I know that's not true. Though I am eating well and following my meal plan the thoughts and feelings still haven't gone away. I still look in the mirror and hate what I see. I look fat and ugly. I know that my view is distorted but still it's hard to argue with what I see. A friend said that I was lighter and smaller than most of the girls on his cheer leading team which was nice but I don't see it. I wish that I could just make it all go away but I can't and that is really frustrating. I don't like feeling hungry but my hunger signals are coming back and it's terrifying. Sometimes I just want to give up and go back to my eating disorder because it feels safe but I know that is not true. I know how harmful it is and how bad it is for me but I can't help it. I just want to feel safe and secure and ED promises that.